It is not widely known that the BFBL has a celebrity captain in their midst. Cameron Lumsden owns popular downtown eatery Fork. More impressive than that though is that he has been quoted in none other than the Idaho Statesman*. The full article can be read here: http://www.idahostatesman.com/2011/11/04/1864837/flavors-of-fall-land-on-boise.html but the most interesting point of his interview was glossed over by the crack Statesman staff. His observation printed as: “Fork owner Cameron Lumsden sees his red wine sales go up in the fall” was left at that. The league offices were able to get a hold of the complete reporter’s notes (after his English teacher gave him a C-) and they ready like this:Cameron “Red wine sales go up in the winter. Well, actually all booze sales go up in the winter. Do you want a drink? I think it has to do with all the darkness. I sure could use a drink. I know that when I wake up and it’s still dark, that the night before hasn’t ended, so I don’t have a problem whetting my whistle. Then when I leave work, it’s still dark so I practically need to have a few to make sure my eyes are dilated properly. Boy you know I could get us a drink even though all the taps are turned off and the cabinet is locked. Are you sure you don’t want one for the road before you go back to class?
The reporter then noted that Cameron began drinking from the drip pan below the tap
handles.
Joining Cameron on the Balls is Amanda Shea. Amanda met Cameron almost immediately after she stepped off the bus from New York City. Needing to use the restroom, Amanda went from the bus station to Fork. When she noticed that the stall in the ladies room was twice as big as her apartment, she never left. After a couple of days, Cameron noticed longer than usual lines for the bathroom while the restaurant was opened. After hours, Cameron went into the ladies room, where he found Amanda curled up, sleeping blissfully on the baby changing shelf in the handicap stall.
Jodi and Dave LeBrie opted to join Cameron and Amanda when their plan to be surgically conjoined by the hands fell through. Jodi and Dave had recently finished second at the Middleton Charleston Dancing competition. This was after a 3rd place finish in 2010. After being faulted by the judges for rather tame lower leg gyrations in 2010, Jodi and Dave immediately had their knee tendons removed. Back for more in 2011, the judges noticed a small hand separation during their new routine. Although they were given high marks for “lower legs that practically spun in circles”, the hand break cost them. When Dave and Jodi met Cameron in the hospital waiting room, he mentioned the bowling team he was putting together. Always on a quest to find a non-mainstream activity that might allow them to shower themselves with glory and provide meaning to their lives, Dave and Jodi followed Cameron out the door.
Rounding out the male side of his team, Cameron turned to Dave Thornton. Looking at Dave you’d be tempted to speculate that he was brought in as a ringer. In fact, Cameron had no idea if Dave could bowl at all. He did know that he had plenty of free time as he recently retired after selling a pot roast that looked like the inn keeper who owned the manger where Jesus was born to some wingnut in South Carolina.
Finally, Stephanie Trebesch rounds out the Forkin Balls team. Stephanie didn’t need much convincing to join a team. Having just spent 64 consecutive nights at Hannah’s without so much as getting asked for her phone number, Stephanie decided maybe she wasn’t cut out for the bar scene. It probably didn’t help, that Stephanie refused to wear anything but her t-shirt that read: Ask Me About My Celibacy. I talked to her on opening night and it was evident that she had received a second wind in the social arena. She gushed on and on about how many sophisticated, good looking and intelligent men had already approached her at Westy’s. When I asked her about her lucky t-shirt, she told me she still had it on, but they others made her wear this bowling jersey over the top of it. When I asked her about her standards, she only paused for a moment, cocked her head slightly and replied, huh?Ladies & Gentleman, Forkin’ Balls.
As a side note, many former Statesman writers and editors applied for the BFBL internship job. Those without a resume were not interviewed. The two that at least had their accomplishments listed on a cocktail napkin were almost interviewed. They were removed from consideration when they arrived at the league offices in untied Velcro shoes and enough boogers running down their nose, that even my 2 year old ran to get them a tissue.
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