Surprisingly, bowling two balls at the same time is frowned upon at Westy's. Although I must admit that having to get bitched out by Westy's was a refreshing change from hearing you clowns bitch about the handicap system, neither are that enjoyable.
I'll probably start imposing beer penalties to the offending teams, just so I can hear more complaining.
Also, at the end of night clean your shit up. I know it's tough to lug your ball back to the rack, put a few plastic cups up on the railing and find me to turn in your scorecard, but failure to do these really only puts "personal hygiene" as a differentiator between our league and all the others.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Standings After Week 5
Life at the top was too much to handle for I Can't Believe It's Not Gutter. The Gutter Sluts big 3 point night have them back on top (on total pins).
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Week 4 Newsletter
Bowlers,
We have past the half-way point of the regular season. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter (more on this team below) is threatening to lock up the no. 1 seed early and were seen earlier this week at Westy’s practicing their bowling with one hand firmly locked around their throat. I’m not sure that that is the best positive reinforcement, but provided they don’t choke badly over the next couple of weeks, they’ll be the team to beat on the Night of Champions. The good news is that regular season records mean nothing as long as you make it into the Championship Match.
This week, the marquee match up involves two teams chasing the Gutters. The back from the dead (and defending champions) Three Hole Enthusiasts vs. Gutter-Done. If either of these teams wins big tonight it will go a long ways towards securing one of the coveted top two seeds for the Night of Champions.
We have past the half-way point of the regular season. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter (more on this team below) is threatening to lock up the no. 1 seed early and were seen earlier this week at Westy’s practicing their bowling with one hand firmly locked around their throat. I’m not sure that that is the best positive reinforcement, but provided they don’t choke badly over the next couple of weeks, they’ll be the team to beat on the Night of Champions. The good news is that regular season records mean nothing as long as you make it into the Championship Match.
This week, the marquee match up involves two teams chasing the Gutters. The back from the dead (and defending champions) Three Hole Enthusiasts vs. Gutter-Done. If either of these teams wins big tonight it will go a long ways towards securing one of the coveted top two seeds for the Night of Champions.
Team Spotlight: I Can't Believe It's Not Gutter
They’re in first place. They’re an expansion team. They look like they belong in a bowling alley about as much as a toothbrush vending machine. Who are I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter? The BFBL interns have been shadowing this team since the beginning and have finally filed their reports. To answer this question, the BFBL team spotlight falls on I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter:
Captain for the Gutters is Jenna Haener. Now, for those of you who have grown up in Boise, the last name Haener may ring a bell. When building her team in the offseason, Jenna first looked to that family. At Christmas dinner last year, Jenna took a bold course of action (for a female) and spoke at the dinner table. As tactfully as she could, Jenna broached the subject of forming a bowling team. Engaged in the fierce Haener tradition of “meat stacking”*, Jenna’s request was ignored by all but one of the Haener men. Jenna’s own husband, Tyler, volunteered and with that the Gutters signed their first player. Incidentally for her outburst, the Haeners, a family with no small children, have already planned for a Kids Table at Thanksgiving. The single place setting slated for that table will have ‘Jenna’ as it’s place card.
Once, Tyler was signed, he immediately suggested that his business partner Jason Fenwick would be a fine addition to the team. As a part of his signing, Jason had a proviso written into his contract that he and Tyler would not be available for practice until March 2011, so that they could dedicate enough time to get their graphic comic book about a superhero that uses the poetry of Emily Dickinson to fight crime, off the ground. Amazingly, “Crime & Poetishment” published its first issue in February of this year. Without giving away too much of the storyline, following the exploits of moonlighting librarian ‘M’ as she subdues a gang of murderers by reading them enchanting prose is quite a read.
With half the team set Jenna, went to the streets to recruit the other half. Testing the old adage that you can’t swing a cat in Boise without hitting a Mooney, Jenna headed to the animal shelter. Arriving right in the middle of a Crazy Cat Lady mentoring session, Jenna picked up the nearest tabby, swung it over her head a couple of times and let it fly. After the shrieking and cries of animal cruelty subsided, the lucky young women crazy cat mentee holding the cat was none other than Katie Mooney. Sensing that bowling and hoarding large numbers of cats share a similar ‘shut in’ community, Katie jumped at the chance to become a Gutter.
Filling out the final female spot for her team led Jenna to the Little Italy section of Boise. There in the kitchen of the Old Spaghetti Factory, Jenna first spotted Amy Tomasini. In a bit of recruiting genius, Jenna correctly surmised that since bowling isn’t exactly the national sport of Italy, Amy would need an alternative motive to join. Jenna quickly changed a 12 team bowling league to a 12 ‘Family’ dispute, glossed over anything to do with bowling, handed Amy a switchblade and told her that every Thursday, somebody will be wearing shoes as comfortable as cement. That left Jenna with one spot to fill.
That last spot proved to be very difficult. Jenna scoured bowling alleys, taverns, AA meetings and soup kitchens before finally stooping to Craigslist. After sifting through posts for the P90X workout DVDs and Bronco football tickets she hit upon a post to join a Fantasy Bowling League. Calling the number listed Jenna got through to the commissioner of the Boise Fantasy Bowling League, Scott Whipps. It took an entire afternoon where Scott outlined the rules, participants, draft and buy-in of his league before Jenna could get a word in edgewise. She then made a critical mistake and asked a question. Asking if there was such a thing as a professional bowler, set Scott off on a hour long sermon. Claiming that people travel the country and bowl for dozens of dollars each week, Jenna found her in. Convincing Scott that joining her team would be a stepping stone to move out of his Mom’s basement and get his shot at joining the roaming band of ‘Professional’ bowlers finally filled her last spot.
Ladies and Gentleman, your 2011 I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter
*From Wikipedia: Meat Stacking Rules. The Prussian family tradition of Meat Stacking combines a celebration of a bountiful year and the ideal that Prussian men should be able to endure tremendous amounts of pain. Traditional rules had the young men of a Prussian family placing a thin slice of mutton on their head, while the father stomped on each of their feet. Those men who did not let the meat fall to the ground and did not breakout in tears, then put an additional piece of mutton on their head, while their father moved up to kick each in the shin. Meat continued to be stacked in this matter as the father moved up the body (charley horse, balls, shot to gut, etc). The last young man standing was rewarded with a special place in the family hierarchy for the coming year and was given first choice of the sliced mutton.
Prussian émigrés to America often substitute slices of beef roast, ham or turkey in place of mutton and is often celebrated during Christmas dinner.
Captain for the Gutters is Jenna Haener. Now, for those of you who have grown up in Boise, the last name Haener may ring a bell. When building her team in the offseason, Jenna first looked to that family. At Christmas dinner last year, Jenna took a bold course of action (for a female) and spoke at the dinner table. As tactfully as she could, Jenna broached the subject of forming a bowling team. Engaged in the fierce Haener tradition of “meat stacking”*, Jenna’s request was ignored by all but one of the Haener men. Jenna’s own husband, Tyler, volunteered and with that the Gutters signed their first player. Incidentally for her outburst, the Haeners, a family with no small children, have already planned for a Kids Table at Thanksgiving. The single place setting slated for that table will have ‘Jenna’ as it’s place card.
Once, Tyler was signed, he immediately suggested that his business partner Jason Fenwick would be a fine addition to the team. As a part of his signing, Jason had a proviso written into his contract that he and Tyler would not be available for practice until March 2011, so that they could dedicate enough time to get their graphic comic book about a superhero that uses the poetry of Emily Dickinson to fight crime, off the ground. Amazingly, “Crime & Poetishment” published its first issue in February of this year. Without giving away too much of the storyline, following the exploits of moonlighting librarian ‘M’ as she subdues a gang of murderers by reading them enchanting prose is quite a read.
With half the team set Jenna, went to the streets to recruit the other half. Testing the old adage that you can’t swing a cat in Boise without hitting a Mooney, Jenna headed to the animal shelter. Arriving right in the middle of a Crazy Cat Lady mentoring session, Jenna picked up the nearest tabby, swung it over her head a couple of times and let it fly. After the shrieking and cries of animal cruelty subsided, the lucky young women crazy cat mentee holding the cat was none other than Katie Mooney. Sensing that bowling and hoarding large numbers of cats share a similar ‘shut in’ community, Katie jumped at the chance to become a Gutter.
Filling out the final female spot for her team led Jenna to the Little Italy section of Boise. There in the kitchen of the Old Spaghetti Factory, Jenna first spotted Amy Tomasini. In a bit of recruiting genius, Jenna correctly surmised that since bowling isn’t exactly the national sport of Italy, Amy would need an alternative motive to join. Jenna quickly changed a 12 team bowling league to a 12 ‘Family’ dispute, glossed over anything to do with bowling, handed Amy a switchblade and told her that every Thursday, somebody will be wearing shoes as comfortable as cement. That left Jenna with one spot to fill.
That last spot proved to be very difficult. Jenna scoured bowling alleys, taverns, AA meetings and soup kitchens before finally stooping to Craigslist. After sifting through posts for the P90X workout DVDs and Bronco football tickets she hit upon a post to join a Fantasy Bowling League. Calling the number listed Jenna got through to the commissioner of the Boise Fantasy Bowling League, Scott Whipps. It took an entire afternoon where Scott outlined the rules, participants, draft and buy-in of his league before Jenna could get a word in edgewise. She then made a critical mistake and asked a question. Asking if there was such a thing as a professional bowler, set Scott off on a hour long sermon. Claiming that people travel the country and bowl for dozens of dollars each week, Jenna found her in. Convincing Scott that joining her team would be a stepping stone to move out of his Mom’s basement and get his shot at joining the roaming band of ‘Professional’ bowlers finally filled her last spot.
Ladies and Gentleman, your 2011 I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter
*From Wikipedia: Meat Stacking Rules. The Prussian family tradition of Meat Stacking combines a celebration of a bountiful year and the ideal that Prussian men should be able to endure tremendous amounts of pain. Traditional rules had the young men of a Prussian family placing a thin slice of mutton on their head, while the father stomped on each of their feet. Those men who did not let the meat fall to the ground and did not breakout in tears, then put an additional piece of mutton on their head, while their father moved up to kick each in the shin. Meat continued to be stacked in this matter as the father moved up the body (charley horse, balls, shot to gut, etc). The last young man standing was rewarded with a special place in the family hierarchy for the coming year and was given first choice of the sliced mutton.
Prussian émigrés to America often substitute slices of beef roast, ham or turkey in place of mutton and is often celebrated during Christmas dinner.
Monday, October 24, 2011
A Quick Look Back...
Halloween Night is Thursday. I dug up a couple of old pictures to get people inspired. Enjoy.
TMP Anyone?
The "Not So Hot Karls"
The Week 4 Newsletter is being compiled (complete with our first expansion team spotlight) from the league writers.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Week 4 Results
An expansion team has landed in 1st. No wonder so many people have been bitching to me about the handicap system.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Week 3 Newsletter
With only a few hours to go before the pins will start to fall, I know many of you might be reading this on your smartphones while your nerve racked body compels you to make one last trip to the bathroom.
This week, the new number ones, the Gutter Sluts have a tough match against the Forkin’ Balls to remain at the top of heap. One thing that Forkin’ has in its favor is that Slut captain Frank Grinnell will return to action this week. Frank has only bowled in one of the first three weeks this season. That that week corresponds with the Sluts only dropped point really isn’t a coincidence. The Sluts won there only BFBL league title before Frank was brought on board. His subsequently orchestrated a coup within the team and installed himself as captain. Since then the Sluts have struggled to stay relevant.
The Red Sox had the curse of the Bambino
The Cubs have the curse of the Billy Goat
The Gutter Sluts have the curse of Frank
For you ghost chaser / supernatural / curse buster types out there, I recommend you schedule some time with Dana. The Sluts curse is pretty much the same curse that’s been following her around since her wedding day 8 years ago.
The line in Jackpot for this match has the Sluts dropping 2 of the 3 points to Forkin’ Balls as they begin their annual autumn slide down the standings.
The other match up to watch this evening is second place I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter vs. 5th place Three Fingers Deep. 2 vs. 5 isn’t exactly Alabama – LSU, but in this case, the Three Fingers will be without Mikey C. As many of you know anytime Mikey misses a week of bowling (or any event for that matter) the chances for success skyrocket.
Finally, a reminder that next Thursday the Beer Frame Bowling League will be celebrating Halloween. Each team is required to show up in costume. Additionally, you are expected to be able to bowl in that costume. So if Donny is planning to go in all body paint as an elephant he will be expected to bowl in body paint (and bowling shoes) all night. Not even when I bribe Westy’s to jack up the AC so that his ‘trunk’ shrinks, will Donny be exempt from this requirement. A couple of other things that don’t qualify as in costume:
Coming as an anonymous bowling team (coming as a famous bowling team would be acceptable, but then again so would coming as a bunch of unicorns)
Frat boy / Dave Mathews Band Fan - I call this one the Leif, but if you show up in sweatshirt and baseball hat, prepare for the wrath of your team.
Any team (subs included) that is not fully in costume will have an extremely difficult time earning free beer.
Bring your dues if you haven’t already.
Captains, make sure you rosters are full.
See everybody in a few hours..
Friday, October 14, 2011
Week 3 Results
The Gutter Sluts are all alone in 1st. Making the gutter a pretty sweet place to be. Will they still be after their match in week 4 against Forkin' Balls?
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Have A Sub?
Just a message to the team captains about subs. If you have a sub, they must be entered into the computer before you start bowling your first game. Your team members that are not bowling that night must be ‘removed’ and then the subs name added (if they’ve subbed before they should be in the computer to look up). Do not just ‘rename’ the existing bowler as it will apply the handicap for that bowler to your game (and cause a big pain in the ass). Pretty much everything on the computer start with Q uncia button. From there you can follow the on-screen instructions.
Week 2 Newsletter
Well its official, the handicap system has evened out the playing field. It has also caused some confusion. I expect that things will get smoother over the next couple of weeks. One thing to remember, if you have a sub or team member that hasn’t yet bowled this year, their handicap will not be calculated and added to your teams totals until after the matches are finished. So, for the first few weeks, some teams might be surprised by the outcome when a freshly calculated handicap swings a game one way or the other.
Looking over the standings, the biggest surprise has to be the Three Hole Enthusiasts sitting at .500. League reporters we sent to do some investigative journalism on what has been holding the defending champions down.
Below is their report.
Have the Three Holes lost it?
It’s no secret around the alley that the defending champions are easy pickings in the early going this year. Rumors abound to explain this quick fall from world beaters. Some of these rumors; such as belly fat injections to lower the center of gravity have dogged the Three Holes for years. Others; such as OD'ing on Rogaine and teeth whitening bleach have cropped up seemingly out of nowhere.
After spending a week at the Three Hole headquarters, it is clear the breakdown has been a collection of short comings by each player. A flare up of Slaughter’s chronic Crabs, have forced him to grow out his fingernails in an effort to conquer the incessant itching. The new longer claws have affected his touch on the ball. Renae Walter added tennis to her off season conditioning program this past off season. Determined to master the forehand in tennis has altered Renae’s arm path. Instead of “answering the phone” she is now trying to “slap that ass” a little too much. Kevin Walter is just flat out depressed after the latest Apple announcement only resulted in an Iphone 4S. Matt Wolff might be in the most trouble and least likely to rebound. His years long addiction to Amish porn has left his right hand a withered claw and his hips woefully misaligned. Molly White has fallen for the trappings of celebrity that champions are afforded at Westy’s. Riding in taxis with Rich (the bald Westy’s front desk honcho), the disdain for oral hygiene, and rows upon rows of shoes can be hard to resist for some once they get their foot in the door. Finally, last year’s saving grace Brandi Conner-Day, should be about ready to call her social experiment for hyphenated names resulting in superior bowling skills a failure.
The feeling around the Three Holes team headquarters is that they aren’t out of it yet, but that they need to start righting the ship starting in Week 3. That, and it would be nice if Slaughter could stop constantly scratching his junk.
Captains make sure you have a full roster. Bring in your dues if you haven’t already.
See everybody at the alley.
Looking over the standings, the biggest surprise has to be the Three Hole Enthusiasts sitting at .500. League reporters we sent to do some investigative journalism on what has been holding the defending champions down.
Below is their report.
Have the Three Holes lost it?
It’s no secret around the alley that the defending champions are easy pickings in the early going this year. Rumors abound to explain this quick fall from world beaters. Some of these rumors; such as belly fat injections to lower the center of gravity have dogged the Three Holes for years. Others; such as OD'ing on Rogaine and teeth whitening bleach have cropped up seemingly out of nowhere.
After spending a week at the Three Hole headquarters, it is clear the breakdown has been a collection of short comings by each player. A flare up of Slaughter’s chronic Crabs, have forced him to grow out his fingernails in an effort to conquer the incessant itching. The new longer claws have affected his touch on the ball. Renae Walter added tennis to her off season conditioning program this past off season. Determined to master the forehand in tennis has altered Renae’s arm path. Instead of “answering the phone” she is now trying to “slap that ass” a little too much. Kevin Walter is just flat out depressed after the latest Apple announcement only resulted in an Iphone 4S. Matt Wolff might be in the most trouble and least likely to rebound. His years long addiction to Amish porn has left his right hand a withered claw and his hips woefully misaligned. Molly White has fallen for the trappings of celebrity that champions are afforded at Westy’s. Riding in taxis with Rich (the bald Westy’s front desk honcho), the disdain for oral hygiene, and rows upon rows of shoes can be hard to resist for some once they get their foot in the door. Finally, last year’s saving grace Brandi Conner-Day, should be about ready to call her social experiment for hyphenated names resulting in superior bowling skills a failure.
The feeling around the Three Holes team headquarters is that they aren’t out of it yet, but that they need to start righting the ship starting in Week 3. That, and it would be nice if Slaughter could stop constantly scratching his junk.
Captains make sure you have a full roster. Bring in your dues if you haven’t already.
See everybody at the alley.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Handicap Example
Remember when I told you to Google Bowling Handicap System. Well one of our bowlers actually did. Below is a explanation and example. One thing to keep in mind is that our league baseline is 170
All players and teams will receive scratch scores and Handicap scores. Scratch scores are the actual amount of pins that a person knocks down in a given game. A Handicap score consists of the amount of pins knocked down added to the person’s Handicap. A Handicap is figured by taking a person’s average and subtracting that average from 200. A person’s handicap is updated and changed each week after the results from the previous match are talleyed (your handicap always reflects how you are doing over the course of the entire season). 200 is the Handicap score base used for all bowlers.
Handicap Example: Bowler’s Average = 105; Handicap = 200-105=95
If above bowler bowls a 107, the handicap score is 202 (95 added to pins)
If above bowler bowls a 100, the handicap score is 195 (95 added to pins)
If a new player(s) bowls and every other player has a handicap score established, the new player(s) will have theirs computed based on the number of games that they bowled that evening and their handicap will also be added in to the teams overall score.
All players and teams will receive scratch scores and Handicap scores. Scratch scores are the actual amount of pins that a person knocks down in a given game. A Handicap score consists of the amount of pins knocked down added to the person’s Handicap. A Handicap is figured by taking a person’s average and subtracting that average from 200. A person’s handicap is updated and changed each week after the results from the previous match are talleyed (your handicap always reflects how you are doing over the course of the entire season). 200 is the Handicap score base used for all bowlers.
Handicap Example: Bowler’s Average = 105; Handicap = 200-105=95
If above bowler bowls a 107, the handicap score is 202 (95 added to pins)
If above bowler bowls a 100, the handicap score is 195 (95 added to pins)
If a new player(s) bowls and every other player has a handicap score established, the new player(s) will have theirs computed based on the number of games that they bowled that evening and their handicap will also be added in to the teams overall score.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Moving On Up - Week 2 Results
It looks the Karls are following the Jeffersons to a De-Luxe apartment in the sky.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Week 1 - Here Goes Year #7
Well we are off and running bowlers. Week 1 is over and as always chaos was the order of the day. A few things to get out of the way, before we get to the week 1 standings. First, the BFBL now is has its own blog. Yes, like many of you I didn’t think any of the internets would last longer than the parachute pants fad, but after 6 years of bowling the league office thought it was time to join the 20th century. I hope it warms everybody’s heart to know that the increase in league dues not only went to increased bowling costs, but has also allowed the league office to hire an IT department. Our Sr. intern Horace Grumbly comes to us with 5 years of high school word processing on his resume and the distinction of being the first homeless man on the greenbelt to have a Blackberry. Our Jr. intern in charge of charging the league laptops and washing pint glasses is Rory Redlawn. Rory comes us with a triple major from Cal Poly in Computer Science, Neuro-Social Networking and Multi-threaded Group Sociology. Lucky for us the job market stinks for recent grads and plugs nowadays have a fat prong and normal sized prong. Now, I’m sure you veterans are asking yourself, how is my extra $2 and the blog benefiting me over the email updates from last year. The answer is not much. Basically the league took the email content and posted it on this website. Then we added the graphic of the bowling pins and the picture, which I think are both pretty sharp.I wouldn’t expect more (or lengthier) communication from the league, but at least now you’ll be able to access the weekly update anywhere you can get to the internet.
A couple of messages before we get to the results. First, thank you to everybody for meeting in the bar and returning your shoes untied. This is the first opening night that I can remember that somebody from the Westy’s staff or another league didn’t come over and lecture me on bowling etiquette, foul language or how someday all the guys in our league won’t be able to wear shorts and boxers together because their sacs’ will hang out the bottom. Secondly, there was a lot of questions around the handicap system. I’ll touch on that a bit later, but I wouldn’t hold your breath that you’ll get all your answers. I will say that the handicaps seemed to be working. No team swept all 3 points in their match last week. Another phenomenon that I can’t remember ever happening. With that, the results after week 1 are below.
The league’s top story from week 1 was match between Stop Looking at My Balls and Kum Ichi my Ballz. At the top of the headlines over the off season were all the stories about the Ballz dabbling in the free agent market. After whiffing on signing Brett Farve and his sister (who is often described in proper circles as “dealing with some minor Meth issues”), the Ballz raided the other Balls roster and poached Becca Powell and Katee Dodge. At their press conference Becca and Katee were all smiles and remarked several times that it will be much easier to bowl now that they no longer have to do it riding Hoover or Teeter’s back. Asked for a rebuttal, Balls team captain Bret Hoover had this to say, “look I’m not happy that Betsy and Karen left our team so suddenly with the season about to begin. Do you know how hard it is to convince two girls to join a bowling team? I can tell you it is very difficult for a guy who looks like me. I had more girls take out their cell phones to call the cops.” Asked how he eventually did fill the spots, captain Hoover had this to say. “Well I sent Teeter, who would be our Face Man if we were the A-Team, downtown at 2:30 AM on a Saturday night. Any girl, that accepted his offer of a free ride and didn’t yak in his car before he covered 3 blocks was offered the job.” The league office hasn’t been able to confirm the rumors that Jamie Dillon and Casey Lynne accepted their offers before Teeter dropped them off 3 blocks from downtown.
Finally a word on handicaps. For the few of you who didn’t ask me a question about handicaps on Thursday, I will repeat the only answer I gave. I have no idea. I suppose if I were a real bowling league commissioner I would have researched all the ins and outs of the handicap system and had answers for you, but I’m not, so if you want answers try typing Bowling Handicaps into http://www.google.com/. I’m told it is the 2nd most popular site on the Information Super Highway. Right after http://beerframebowling.blogspot.com/. If that doesn’t help, I’m pretty sure if your team knocks down a lot of pins, picks up their spares and sprinkles in the occasional turkey you’ll have nothing to worry about. That and beer always tastes good.
See everybody Thursday in the bar.
A couple of messages before we get to the results. First, thank you to everybody for meeting in the bar and returning your shoes untied. This is the first opening night that I can remember that somebody from the Westy’s staff or another league didn’t come over and lecture me on bowling etiquette, foul language or how someday all the guys in our league won’t be able to wear shorts and boxers together because their sacs’ will hang out the bottom. Secondly, there was a lot of questions around the handicap system. I’ll touch on that a bit later, but I wouldn’t hold your breath that you’ll get all your answers. I will say that the handicaps seemed to be working. No team swept all 3 points in their match last week. Another phenomenon that I can’t remember ever happening. With that, the results after week 1 are below.
The league’s top story from week 1 was match between Stop Looking at My Balls and Kum Ichi my Ballz. At the top of the headlines over the off season were all the stories about the Ballz dabbling in the free agent market. After whiffing on signing Brett Farve and his sister (who is often described in proper circles as “dealing with some minor Meth issues”), the Ballz raided the other Balls roster and poached Becca Powell and Katee Dodge. At their press conference Becca and Katee were all smiles and remarked several times that it will be much easier to bowl now that they no longer have to do it riding Hoover or Teeter’s back. Asked for a rebuttal, Balls team captain Bret Hoover had this to say, “look I’m not happy that Betsy and Karen left our team so suddenly with the season about to begin. Do you know how hard it is to convince two girls to join a bowling team? I can tell you it is very difficult for a guy who looks like me. I had more girls take out their cell phones to call the cops.” Asked how he eventually did fill the spots, captain Hoover had this to say. “Well I sent Teeter, who would be our Face Man if we were the A-Team, downtown at 2:30 AM on a Saturday night. Any girl, that accepted his offer of a free ride and didn’t yak in his car before he covered 3 blocks was offered the job.” The league office hasn’t been able to confirm the rumors that Jamie Dillon and Casey Lynne accepted their offers before Teeter dropped them off 3 blocks from downtown.
Finally a word on handicaps. For the few of you who didn’t ask me a question about handicaps on Thursday, I will repeat the only answer I gave. I have no idea. I suppose if I were a real bowling league commissioner I would have researched all the ins and outs of the handicap system and had answers for you, but I’m not, so if you want answers try typing Bowling Handicaps into http://www.google.com/. I’m told it is the 2nd most popular site on the Information Super Highway. Right after http://beerframebowling.blogspot.com/. If that doesn’t help, I’m pretty sure if your team knocks down a lot of pins, picks up their spares and sprinkles in the occasional turkey you’ll have nothing to worry about. That and beer always tastes good.
See everybody Thursday in the bar.
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