Well its official, the handicap system has evened out the playing field. It has also caused some confusion. I expect that things will get smoother over the next couple of weeks. One thing to remember, if you have a sub or team member that hasn’t yet bowled this year, their handicap will not be calculated and added to your teams totals until after the matches are finished. So, for the first few weeks, some teams might be surprised by the outcome when a freshly calculated handicap swings a game one way or the other.
Looking over the standings, the biggest surprise has to be the Three Hole Enthusiasts sitting at .500. League reporters we sent to do some investigative journalism on what has been holding the defending champions down.
Below is their report.
Have the Three Holes lost it?
It’s no secret around the alley that the defending champions are easy pickings in the early going this year. Rumors abound to explain this quick fall from world beaters. Some of these rumors; such as belly fat injections to lower the center of gravity have dogged the Three Holes for years. Others; such as OD'ing on Rogaine and teeth whitening bleach have cropped up seemingly out of nowhere.
After spending a week at the Three Hole headquarters, it is clear the breakdown has been a collection of short comings by each player. A flare up of Slaughter’s chronic Crabs, have forced him to grow out his fingernails in an effort to conquer the incessant itching. The new longer claws have affected his touch on the ball. Renae Walter added tennis to her off season conditioning program this past off season. Determined to master the forehand in tennis has altered Renae’s arm path. Instead of “answering the phone” she is now trying to “slap that ass” a little too much. Kevin Walter is just flat out depressed after the latest Apple announcement only resulted in an Iphone 4S. Matt Wolff might be in the most trouble and least likely to rebound. His years long addiction to Amish porn has left his right hand a withered claw and his hips woefully misaligned. Molly White has fallen for the trappings of celebrity that champions are afforded at Westy’s. Riding in taxis with Rich (the bald Westy’s front desk honcho), the disdain for oral hygiene, and rows upon rows of shoes can be hard to resist for some once they get their foot in the door. Finally, last year’s saving grace Brandi Conner-Day, should be about ready to call her social experiment for hyphenated names resulting in superior bowling skills a failure.
The feeling around the Three Holes team headquarters is that they aren’t out of it yet, but that they need to start righting the ship starting in Week 3. That, and it would be nice if Slaughter could stop constantly scratching his junk.
Captains make sure you have a full roster. Bring in your dues if you haven’t already.
See everybody at the alley.
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