Well Beer Framers we are quickly approaching the halfway point of the season. I think now is a good time to get some updates on some of the more interesting story lines that have been developing.
Biggest Surprise:
Forkin’ Balls. Here is a team that rolled in the 7th place match last year during their inaugural season. Now, they come out in season 8 with the same lineup and are throwing stones. What is their secret you ask? The usual questions were posed to team captain Cameron.
Q. Did you put your team through two a days during the off season?
A. Nope, in fact my team doesn’t really like me. They would much prefer to bowl for somebody else, but they are too scared to ask.
Q. What about steroids? Have you been giving the team HGH, which has been proven to significantly improve trunk rotation and ball speed?
A. No steroids either. Believe me we talked about since it states very clearly in the BFBL bylaws that; “The use of steroids is not outlawed for in season or out of season use. If you want a BFBL Championship that badly you deserve to die young, covered in acne, yelling at your shrinking testicles.
Q. What the hell did you do then?
A. Great question. The team got together about 10 minutes before our first game and made a decision. We all agreed that throwing the ball down the middle of the lane was our greatest chance for success. So far it’s been working for everybody even though it was a big change. For me personally, my pregame routine is now 75% about bowling and 25% on beard grooming. It was a complete 180 for me.
Biggest Disappointment:
The Hot Karls. The Hot Karls have won two BFBL titles and played in half the BFBL Championship matches. This year they started out with a measly ½ point during the first two weeks. The BFBL intern caught up with Karl Captain Tom last week in the Westy’s Men’s room.
Q. Your lineup is exactly the same. Why do you guys suck so bad this year?
A. Well it all starts at the top. It also has to do with bowling inefficiencies that we’ve identified. You see we’re bringing Money Ball principle’s to the bowling world and sometimes you have to take a step…. What the hell are you doing? No, you can’t see it. No I certainly am not going to pay .50 cents to see yours. Aw gross man. I don’t see the need to ever see you bend down and touch your toes as an “undercarriage preview”. I think you need some help.
Moving on to the mid season award race:
MVB – Most Valuable Bowler
The easy choice would be Donny Heck since he is currently carrying the highest average in the league. Everybody knows that that average is a fraud though. Added to that is that even Donny’s own team think he’s in it only for personnel glory and the better choice at the halfway mark is Renae Walter. Renae hasn’t bowled a game all season and yet the Three Hole Enthusiasts are firmly in second. Something special must being going on with the Three Holes this year.
LVB – Least Valuable Bowler
This race is way too crowded to pick a front runner. If you were afraid that your name was going to show up in this category and your average currently starts with an 8 or 9, then go ahead enjoy your time running in this pack.
Week 4 Marquee Matchup:
The 1st place Forkin’ Balls are going against the 4th place (and defending champion) Gutter Sluts. The Sluts went through some major roster changes this off season and the feeling around Westy’s is that Forkin’ can’t keep up their early pace, so calling this one is a coin flip.
See everybody tomorrow night.
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